Bitterness

So bitter
The gall of it all
Eating away at one’s insides
Gnawing away at all that is
Good and kind and pure
Disfiguring all that is beautiful
Sickening

Sugar is but
Temporary solution
Artificial sweetener is
Cancer-causing
Or shit-inducing
Honey is
Good but
Ant-attracting
Nothing like love and light to fill
Every crevice,
Every nook
Every cranny of the heart
So that there is no space for
Bitterness

What's in a Name

You flatter me,
You do.
You called me bitch,
Didn't you?
Well, I'm in good company,
I can tell.
Gurl, ain't you bitchin' too?
LOL, you're one as well!
So what's next,
Pray tell?
Bitch slap fest?
That would be like
So bitchin'!!
But it won't be necessary
To play that lame blame game.
I like the name,
The moniker,
The epithet;
You should too.
Embrace your inner bitch, gurl
Power reclaimed.

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
So take me as I am
- from "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks

Back to Square One?

This was actually written two days ago, but only published today due to shortage of time.

One step forward
Two steps back
No standing still
Sadly, no turning back.
That way lies madness,
But a moment’s reprieve,
If you please.
Tired
From the constant struggle to
Close one’s eyes and
Turn one’s back.

Catharsis

Christmas came early
This year
Love, joy, and peace
Finally flowed
Say with me
Amen then
Hallelujah*
To hell with it
Celebrate, won’t you


*in the words of the immortal Leonard Cohen

I did my best; it wasn't much.
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch.
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you.
And even though it all went wrong,
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah!

Love, By Any Other Name II

喜
v.

1. be happy; be delighted; be pleased
2. be fond of; like; have an inclination for

疼
v.

1. aches; hurts
2. love dearly; be fond of; dote on

Ambivalence
Talk about a mixed bag of emotions...

Love, By Any Other Name I

soft spot
n.

1. A tender or sentimental feeling, fondness and affection for someone,
sometimes inexplicably so.
2. A weak or vulnerable point.
3. any membranous gap between the bones of the cranium in an infant or fetus

I need a soft spot like I need
A hole in my heart
A hole in my head.

Footsteps

For those who have been contemplating the state of their hearts :)

Most people tread lightly
On the sands of our hearts,
Passing without a trace
To who knows where.
Then there are those who
Leave footsteps,
That linger
For years sometimes.
Do they weigh more
In our estimation?

Walking, Wounded

To my care-givers – Angel, Sunshine, Leng Lui and Bobby T aka Peacock – who are ironically less than half my age. What would I do without you to put a smile on my face? With much love and appreciation...

Thank you, my dears,
For your indignation,
Your care and your concern.
The wound from that day,
'Twas but a superficial nick,
‘S healing fine.
A little outrage, perhaps,
At being so impudently maligned,
But on the desecrated hand,
No scar lies in waiting,
No wound festers
No sore, re-opened repeatedly,
Bleeds,
Quite unlike the other.
The latter remains
A little sensitive to the touch
But with time too will that heal,
No worries.
That it still hurts, sometimes,
'S living testimony to
Vulnerable heart,
Significant offender.
That I choose to stay put,
You may not understand now, and
Perhaps not ever.
Take comfort in knowing
That your presence soothes and salves
A heart that stays to grow
Stronger and wiser.

Afloat, Drifting

Un-plugged
Un-hinged
Un-tethered

Disengaged
Disconnected
Disconcerted

Wind In My Hair

Singapore: 26 degrees C

The door slammed shut.
A blast of wind,
Slapped in the face.

Reach for the window to shut it.
Pause and look.

Wind, swirling and
Tossing random leaves
Hurling passing birds into a tailspin
Downwards.
Sheets of rain relentlessly driven
Obliterate the view,
Buildings fading into oblivion.

Would that the wind could blow
These clouds of uncertainty
Away, to lift
The burden of waiting and wanting
Something, some other, perhaps,
That the rain would wash away
The bitter after-taste.

Face pelted by raindrops.
Reverie broken.

Close the window.
Glance in the mirror.

Hair askew, all cowlicked.
No matter.
HM’ll smile at the sight.
“Chicken,” HM’ll say.

Laugh at the thought.

22 floors in the air
A place called home
With HM.

Running on Empty

This is an odd choice of analogy for someone who is a self-avowed non-driver… ah well, some metaphor is better than no metaphor…

The car spluttered and stalled
For the umpteenth time
In four months.

Get rid of this lemon,
Well-meaning friends said.
But to part, I wasn’t ready for.
A little tinkering perhaps,
A little TLC of course,
Nothing a visit to the mechanic
Wouldn’t solve
Couldn’t solve
I thought.

Yet there I was
Pushing the car uphill,
Again.
Back-breaking
Balls-busting
Soul-draining
Hernia-causing
Curse-inducing,
Thankless a task indeed

A faint trail of petrol in the dust
Told me all I needed to know.
Tapping the fuel gauge,
The needle dipped ominously to
Way below zero.

What have I been doing
Running on empty?

My bank account is fine, thank you.
It gets replenished every month.
Money can always be earned.
The same can’t be said for
Our bank account
Which takes two to fill.
Your withdrawals far exceed
My deposits.
Is it time
To close the account?